I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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