Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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