I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
