My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
