when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
