he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
