You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize