Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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