hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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