no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize