You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
