You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
