Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
