I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
