I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
