Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
