is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
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