what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize