The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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