he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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