can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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