I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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