I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
