she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
