If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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