i don't like sucking hair
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
