You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize