He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
