why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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