ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
