I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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