I cockslap morals
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
