Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
