so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
