After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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