I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
