the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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