we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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