Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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