Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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