those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
