who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
