guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
