I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
