I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
