i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
