Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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