We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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