That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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