I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize