he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
