They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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