whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
