Tell her she can't have a vagina
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
