if only i could text you this smell
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize