We named our party play list daddy issues
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
fuck your aforementioned shoe
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
