You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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