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And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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