So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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