My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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