I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize