Will you blow on my dice?
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize