we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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