I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
