i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
