my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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