Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
