I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
