you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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