Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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