No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
