I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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