Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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