Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
