not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
