Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I want a musical about memes.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
