I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I only lived at night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
