This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
