So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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