Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
