it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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