I'd wear matching sweaters with you
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
