if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
