The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize