I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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