It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
