So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
