A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She needs sedatives and a leash
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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