dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Randomize
