i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
sarcasm needs its own font
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
