I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
