Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
