I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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