if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
