I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Randomize
