Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
