he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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