Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
