There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
