p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
