It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize